I Failed My Sex Cleanse- Here’s What I Learned

So it’s been 93 days since I first started my sex cleanse. I had planned to keep going on for 6 months and then maybe a year but I’m calling it after 90 days.

The idea behind doing this “sex cleanse” was to learn to have vaginal orgasms by not having clitoral orgasms for an extended period of time. In my head, it was supposed to work in the same way that not using aggressive shampoos makes your hair less oily. Wash your hair less or use less harsh shampoos and your scalp will stop overproducing oil; stop having clitoral orgasms and other pleasure pathways in the body will just take over.

I wrote an update on how my sex cleanse was going before and I mentioned failing at 48 days in. And then I failed again. And again. So honestly, I didn’t even make it to the full 90 days. After 60 days, I basically checked out of the whole ordeal. I failed that juice cleanse too, although my dad started it with me and he’s still killing it after a couple weeks.

And I know I said that I would use my jade egg/kegel weight more but I didn’t. I think this is the real crux of the matter and why the whole cleanse didn’t work for me. Pelvic floor strength it seems is mission critical for vaginal/internal orgasms. Think about it- pelvic floor exercise = increased blood flow to the region = increased vasoconstriction = increased wetness = more pleasurable sex.

To be honest, I don’t think the format of a “cleanse” or a “challenge” works for me. I’ve never been the type of person who gets motivated or who does well working within a certain arbitrary time frame. While there are definitely some changes I want to make and new habits I want to adopt, putting any sort of time frame on it doesn’t work for me. It just doesn’t make sense for me personally.

Thinking back to when I went vegan, I remember there was a time when I was like 90% vegan but I still had some kind of cheesy meal once a week (and oh boy did it ever still show up on my skin in the form of horrible acne). Cheese was the hardest thing for me to part with and I hear the same from a lot of people- “I’d go vegan but I could NEVER give up cheese.”

The driving factor behind letting go of cheese for me was my skin. I struggled with acne since I was like 9 years old until I graduated high school and once I realized that dairy & sugar was what was causing it, I knew that I could never go back to eating dairy. I didn’t put a time limit on it, I didn’t do a “challenge” or a cleanse. I just did it and it stuck because I knew it had to become a permanent change or else I’d never have the skin I wanted.

Realistically speaking though, it’s not as if I was ever planning on never having a clitoral orgasm ever again so I think that was entirely the wrong premise to begin with. For me, I think it would have been better and more effective to do 90 days of using my jade egg (minus when I’m on my period) than 90 days of no clitoral orgasms. And then drop the 90 days thing because I see no need to put a timer on a change that I intend to be permanent.

I guess I’m just the type of person that either does things 110% or I don’t do them at all. I tend to deliberate on new ideas and ways of life for a long time. I’m not one to flirt with lifestyle changes through 2 week cleanses and challenges. So by the time I’ve decided to make a lifestyle choice, I’m going in it for the long haul. I’ll stand at the edge of the water for a long time but when I go in, I don’t stick one foot in just to test it out, I’ll jump all in.

So this was a nice learning experience for me. If nothing else, I learned that the best way for me to make a lifestyle change is to jump all in, make like Nike, and just do it. Two week cleanses or month-long challenges may work for some people and they’re nice on social media but they don’t work for me.

Like my brother’s coach likes to say, “There’s no such thing as going on a diet, you either eat healthy or you don’t.” So in that same vein, I guess there’s no such thing as a sex cleanse, you either prioritize pelvic floor health and your pleasure or you don’t.

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